Asking for help

I have recently been thinking about the concept of asking for help. Perhaps it is spurred on by Movember - a key idea being to normalise Men seeking help when they need it. I personally struggle with the act of reaching out for help, both personally and professionally. My realisation has been that the outcome is almost always better when discussed with someone else.

When I was starting my research career, I was reluctant to collaborate with other students. The reason was that I thought I would lose some of the credit for my work. While I am very proud of my PhD research, with me as the sole student author, I am starting to think that perhaps the work could have been even better had I formally collaborated with someone else. We could have divided the work and conquered the answers - either more completely, or more rapidly (and likely both).

Some people seem to equate asking for help as a sign of weakness, or an admission of not being good enough. I remember when I was working in industry, and asked my manager to check over my work (a set of calculation sheets). They replied that there was no need, as they trusted me. This reveals a strangely common idea that getting feedback is to correct an issue, rather than to provide a check and potentially improvement. I trust myself enough to know that I make mistakes. They are often small and I catch them before they are an issue (I habitually redo all of my calculations from scratch). Having a second set of eyes - either a formal collaborator or just asking a colleague - is incredibly valuable. They can pick up the mistakes that my brain is no longer capable of seeing, especially when I’ve been immersed in the project for long enough.

Getting feedback, particularly when asking for help with a piece of work, is often difficult. When I have spent weeks working away on a document - whether it is a manuscript draft or a project proposal - there is something very scary about showing it to someone else. It is my baby that I have been nurturing. What if they don’t like it? What if they say it needs to be changed a lot?¹ However, I now acknowledge that I’m feeling anxious, take a breath, and hit send. A lot of the time, my fears were unfounded. And on the few occasions that the feedback has been hard to read (I’m thinking of you, reviewer 2), I find that once I’ve had some time to think about it I generally agree and the piece of work is better for having gone through that process.

My DECRA proposal is still coming along. I have an outline of everything, and have been filling in the details for several sections. Thankfully, the application dates for the DECRA have been released. I realised that, while I do believe that I have the skills and the project idea necessary to successfully run a DECRA, I still suffer from impostor syndrome. It feels uncomfortable to put myself up for assessment. However, certainly at this stage of internal reviews, the feedback is coming from people who want me to succeed. They are the most helpful reviewers the proposal will see. They are not there to tear down the project and say no, they’re there to help me remove the bad bits and improve the good.

Thankfully, I have begun to realise the value of asking for help. Whether it be a problem I’m stuck on, a concept I don’t yet understand, or simply a second set of eyes to look over my working, asking for help has always resulted in a better outcome. I still believe that there is great value in the solo endeavour. I still lead my research projects, do the first pass of a piece of writing, and spend a few hours per day in isolated deep work to make progress on problems. However, I am making a conscious effort to make sure I ask for help if it is appropriate.

My point is: it’s important to ask for help when it’s needed. Whether it is a personal or professional situation, it’s always better to ask.